And what of their mama? Living in denial is not an option when evenings are spent sitting quietly while listening to Liam dazzle coaches with his insightful questions, heady goals, and surprisingly mature level of introspection. It is not an option when free time that was spent in such aimless tasks as laundry sorting, bathroom scrubbing, and kitchen mopping is now spent making sure that the dining options at interesting colleges are varied, the swim coach is committed to promoting a family environment, and the nearest airport has direct flights from KC. Let's also not forget the need for my little high school freshman to start considering her options: will she pursue collegiate membership in a Q-Tip Head marching band or the more fun, Stanford-esque scatter band? Party school or convent? Is a women's college an option? It should be.
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| Q-Tip Head Gear |
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| Bee's kind of marching band |
The option of denial is also negated by the 45 pounds of college literature we receive in the mail each day, the constant studying of FAFSA info, scholarship options, and continued awareness that every dime we spend today is one less that can be put into the on-campus charge plan.
So how am I combating the anxiety and sadness? How am I channeling the excitement and nervousness? Funny you should ask....
1. More dinner table time, less dinner on the fly. I used to be religious about sitting down at the table with the family for dinner, but schedules have made that difficult. Ya know what? Eating dinner at 8 is OK when it means we all get to see each other at the table. Plus, table manners can make or break you socially in the college caf.... Elbows on table? No prob. Food flying out of your mouth during deep, philosophical discussions? Deal breaker. They will NOT be The Kids Who Eat Alone.
2. Job hunting. Yes, I'll have to be employed before they leave the house and it will drastically change the way we schedule our lives, but having a focus for myself that also provides more financial stability for my family means that I can stop worrying about the bank balance and spend more time focusing on what a great time they can have while away. Besides, networking and research takes my mind off What is to Come for a little while each day.
3. Maximizing the one-on-one time. I never miss an opportunity to drag just one of the kids out of the house with me. Whether it's going to the car wash or the grocery store, or just popping out for a couple of quick errands, I prefer to have one of them with me. It's funny how much you learn in the car when your kids don't have the pressure of looking you right in the eye when talking about the day. You think they're honest on Facebook and in text messages? Imagine what they're like when they think your attention is more focused on driving.... If they only knew.
4. Writing a college cookbook. That's right. Remember how often you joked about writing a cookbook entitled "101 Ways to Cook Ramen?" Well, that cookbook now exists (although I didn't write it), but I'm working on recipes for the up and coming collegians that is budget-friendly, reminds them of home, allows for frequent use of microwaves and electric kettles, and uses only the utensils that may be successfully stolen from the cafeteria. On the up-side, most of the schools Liam is looking at have kitchens in the dorms OR the dorm rooms after Freshman year are set up more like apartments and have full kitchens.
5. Mentally redecorating the house. That's right, once Liam is gone we'll move Brianna into his room. That project alone is fodder for hours of daydreaming and online perusal of decorating ideas. Meanwhile, her move will necessitate a redecoration of her current room (library, weight room, study?) as well as the current guest room because Liam's gonna need a comfy place to call his own when he comes home for visits. And then when Brianna leaves? Well, then we truly have a guest suite with a private bath and it will need to be set up for appropriate accommodation. And what if one of them ends up living in our basement in their 30s? Hmmm, we'll need to work on that, too. Let's also not forget that once they leave the nest, the re-feathering of common areas will need to commence. At last, we CAN have nice things. Well, once the cats die....
6. Developing hobbies. I honestly think my kids believe my favorite hobbies include: playing chauffeur, cooking for a horde, shopping for school clothes, and sitting at swim meets/band practices/orchestra concerts/band concerts/ and parent-teacher conferences. It's hard to remember what I used to like doing when I had uninterrupted free time. My God, what if I'm a latch hook rug master? What if I'm a frustrated ornithologist with untapped potential to sit quietly in the woods in search of the elusive Blue-Footed Booby? OK, ornithology is a stretch, but you get my point.
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| Latch Hook Ornithology |
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| Blue-Footed Booby |
8. Living in the moment. Ugh, cliché I know, but it's a true necessity right now. Even when I'm mentally redecorating, wardrobe planning, or cookbook composing, enjoying the moments I have with my kids has taken on a new level of urgency and importance. I don't want to spend the time I have with them now lost in memories of when they were learning to walk, smearing their rooms with the contents of their diapers, or taking those first steps across the threshold of their classrooms. I have lots of time for that in the years to come. Right now I am enjoying every snippet of time their busy schedules allow. Do I want to bitch about going to another swim meet or band performance and killing my back on metal bleachers? Of course I do. And I will. However, every time my son finishes a race or Bee successfully executes some bizarre side-stepping, flute-tootling dance move, I appreciate the opportunity I've had to cheer, gasp, gape, or toe-tap, and remind myself that my mother was right, these moments are indeed precious.
9. Annoying my children with heavy sighs, dreamy gazes, and unexpected affection. Heavy sighs don't have to be a sign of exasperation (although they sometimes still are), instead they can be manifestations of an inner "awwwwwwww;" dreamy gazes while Bee shovels Chunky Monkey in her face while wearing a formal only serve to cement that moment in my mind for the time when she's doing that same thing in a city far far away; a kiss on the cheek or a hug out of nowhere creates a sensory memory for me as well as my babies. We can each draw on those memories when the craving for the touch of family simply can't be fulfilled with the real thing.
10. Being thankful. Thankful for bleacher-butt, empty pantries, stolen moments, battles of will, unflattering Gildan t-shirts, no hot water on a Saturday morning, the discovery of 12-piece place settings under someone's bed, recruiting calls during dinner, Sponge Bob marathons, Scary Movie Sundays, rambling dissertations on teenage social and cultural norms, poor choices, good choices, great choices, late nights, early mornings, poor fashion decisions, awesome fashion decisions, wheedling, bargaining, and the need for more gas money.
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| Opinions differ on poor v awesome fashion... |
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| ...but not always. |
Most importantly, I will spend the coming months and years being thankful that these two people that I made have turned out to be more awesome than I ever anticipated and knowing that I have done all I can do to set them up for success.
And I think it's safe to say that neither ornithology nor latch-hook will become part of my repertoire.
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